People, please stop making up excuses when canceling dates!

Since many people make up an excuse for why they can’t meet you, instead of being upfront about a lack of interest, it’s hard to tell if someone is actually being sincere when they cancel. Even if they suggest meeting another time, it could just be a way to sound interested and not flat out reject you, but there’s no guarantee that they’ll reschedule.

Dishonesty when canceling a date leads to several problems. If you were the one who got canceled on, you’ll initially not know whether or not you should still have hope for seeing that person or forget about him entirely. After a lack of follow up, or more excuses for why he can’t see you, you’ll equate canceling with a lack of interest. At that point, even if someone is honest about being unavailable at that time, you’ll assume that he is making up an excuse to avoid meeting you, and lose interest in him.
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I spent the morning searching the web for how to know if someone is sincere when canceling a date. It was hard to find information on both sincerity and canceling dates, but I found several articles on the proper way to cancel a date. Some made the distinction between canceling when you want to see the person but something actually came up, and canceling because you really don’t want to see him or her.

What I got from all of it was that if you do intend to see the person, you should:

  1. At least give 24 hours notice, unless there really was an emergency or something serious.
  2. Apologize
  3. Provide your reason, and be honest about it.
  4. Suggest another time to meet.

It seems to me that a suggestion to reschedule would be the most important indicator of interest. Would simply mentioning rescheduling be good enough, or must there be actual planning? Something vague like “how about another time?” obviously doesn’t sound like it’ll be followed up on. I understand if someone really had an emergency or was going through a period of uncertainty that it might be inconvenient to schedule another date at that particular moment. From the comments when I first posted this on Xanga, it appears that if rescheduling is not done right away, the one who canceled is responsible for bringing it up again.

Is it safe to assume that the person who canceled really is not interested so that the person who got canceled on should just forget about it? I don’t believe that a broken date always means a lack of interest, since sometimes things do come up. It’s distinguishing what is a legitimate reason from what is not that is the hard part. Unfortunately, thanks to the people who lie, we’ve come to interpret a broken date as a lack of interest, even if it’s not.

What are some ways to tell if someone is being sincere when they cancel a date?

 Originally posted on Xanga 12/24/2011. I was having a conversation with my boyfriend recently that prompted me to repost this.


2 thoughts on “People, please stop making up excuses when canceling dates!

  1. I agree that a plan to reschedule means they are sincerely apologetic. As to the rest; I think it varies by person. Some people are rarely if ever sincere and some people are almost always sincere. If I cancel going somewhere it’s usually because I don’t feel well, either physically or mentally. I readily admit to the first, less so to the second, so depending on how well I know the person I might or might not admit to wallowing in depression and not being in the mood to go out and be social. I will instead claim physical illness, figuring it’s close enough to the truth.

    • I agree it depends on the person. If you know someone well enough you’ll know that they really have rough days and will have to cancel. If it’s someone you don’t know that well or at all, then it’s harder to tell.

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